Apparently, a call was made two months ago from India to Hina Rabbani Khar, the flamboyant foreign minister of Pakistan. We say flamboyant because, she is not exactly beautiful or charming, but succeeds in attracting the attention of the onlooker through her flamboyance in displaying her expensive costumes and accessories like handbags, ear rings, spects etc.
The call was traced out to have been made from Raichur, Karnataka and went on for full 15 minutes. Hina also complained that the caller was rude to her and also spoke in a filthy language.
This raised instantly several questions… First of all, who made the call? How did he get Hina’s personal mobile number? Why he made the call? Why did Hina hold on and listen to the caller for 15 minutes, especially when the caller was not speaking decently? What did Hina reply or how exactly did she respond to the caller during the conversation? Why did she wait for two months before disclosing this information, which triggered an investigation now?
Nevertheless, the security agencies started their investigation.
Their first suspect was SM Krishna, who was seen closely moving with her and also holding lots of closed door meetings with her during her visit to India last year. May be he had tried to act funny with her and she cut short his advances. And now he wanted to take sort of revenge? After the recent Karnataka assembly episode, every politician from Karnataka was looked at with suspicion.
They approached SM Krishna and asked him.
He replied,” Well, you can see… that I cannot even… talk fast… I need to …pause to get the …right words. I am an old man… what do you… expect me… to do? I did not… make this call.”
The security agency was apparently satisfied with his answer. It was impossible that this person could call for 15 minutes… he would get too tired with this exercise.
Next, they called a joint meeting with Kapil Sibbal, Chidambaram and Salman Khurshid.
The investigators asked them, “Did any of you three visit Karnataka around two months ago?”
They looked puzzled, and asked, “Why, any problem?”
The investigators said, ” Well, it is reported that someone from Karnataka had called Hina Rabbani Khar two months ago and spoke in very rude language to her. And we know that you are the only three people in the country who can be extremely rude in your language while speaking with others.”
The three of them were very angry. They reacted one by one to these charges.
Chidambaram, in his characteristic style, with his head slightly tilting towards right and his left cheek smiling more than the right cheek, said “See, I cannot do such things. Ask me to disperse a peaceful gathering after midnight and I will do it by using police force. I can even arrest a 74 year old man from his house on the pretext that he is going to commit a crime. I can add wrong names to the list of most wanted terrorists. But, I will never call a lady and talk to her in rude and filthy language.”
The investigators were satisfied with Chidambaram’s response.
Now, they turned to Kapil Sibbal.
“So, Mr. Sibbal, did you make this call?”
Kapil Sibbal, with his reading glasses resting on the tip of his fat thick nose, said,” See, you need to understand the whole issue in right perspective. What is the problem here? Someone called someone. And you are asking someone whether he is that someone who had called someone.”
The investigators were getting confused by now.
Sibbal continued,” See, you need to understand the sub clause no. 43 of the clause 24 of the law no. 53 of the blah blah blah and you will understand that how I could not have made this call. See, I can change the education system upside down and make it ridiculous. I can state that the loss due to 2G scam was zero and then, when it is proved wrong in court, say that it was due to the flawed policies of the NDA government. But, I have not made this call. ”
The investigators realized that he was also innocent in this case.
Next they turned to Salman Khurshid.”Did you make this call?”
Salman Khurshid started,” Even if you hang me I am not going to accept that I have made the call… I will challenge people to prove me wrong. It is my birth right to fight with you all and I will achieve it under any circumstances….but I have not made this call.”
The investigators were convinced. They did not find any meaning in continuing any conversation with this trio.
Nest, they went to Manmohan Singh. “Sir, by any chance, did you make that call?”
At first, the investigators did not know whether he understood the question, because there was absolutely no reaction on either his face or the body language. They were thinking of repeating the question, when they noticed that he slightly turned his head upward. They were thrilled to see some movement in Manmohan Singh. It was like the people getting thrilled to see the crocodile moving in a zoo, because it lies still where it is, for very long periods.
Manmohan said in a husky low tone,” Dekho ji, I have not done this. This can be proved by the simple fact that madam never instructed me to call Hina at all. Usually, I act only on madam’s instructions. And I am asked sometimes not to act also, by madam. For example, I was asked not to punish Raja, Kalmadi, and Ashok Chavan etc. And I am currently very busy in handing over the charge to Rahul baba. You must have seen him growing beard in last few days, which is to tell the opposition parties that now he is grown up. See, how angry he gets in the meetings? He even tears up the papers in meetings to show his anger…!”
The investigators interrupted,” Sir, we were discussing whether you made the call…”
Manmohan thought for a while and said,” Oh yes, I forgot the topic. Whenever I start praising the Madam and Rahul baba, I really get lost and don’t remember what we were discussing. Well, coming to the point, I did not get any instructions and you know it very well that I do not act on my own, so I did not make the call.”
The investigators were convinced that it was too big a decision for Manmohan to make a call.
The investigators then went to Pranab Mukharjee, as he had a solution to many problems except those affecting Chidambaram. They asked Pranab about his involvement in the call.
Pranab replied,” Bhy do yuu theenk that I hab made the koll. I hab many ather important tasks bheech prebent me from doing this. I hab no knowledhe of this koll.”
The investigators realized that no matter what he spoke, even if he had called Hina, it would have been very difficult to understand it, let alone classify it as rude and filthy.
The investigators thought of approaching Rahul. So, they went to him and asked.
Rahul looked at them in his newly discovered angry young man look with cold feelings in his eyes, as if he is deciding in his mind whether to kick them or slap them. Then he said,” For 22 years, Hina did not eat anything… she had always desired to go on an elephant ride…”
The investigators were puzzled. One of them whispered in another’s ears,” It happens. He has been touring UP since last one month and is repeatedly saying only few selected sentences like ‘there was no development in UP for last 22 years, elephant is eating money’ etc.”
Rahul continued,” Give me a chance and I shall make a phone call to Hina. A call, which was not made by anyone earlier.”
He looked around as if looking for something and then took a newspaper’s supplement lying nearby and tore it off. And said,” You know what it means? It means that I did not make the call.”
The investigators hurried out of the room to save themselves from any more of the theatrics.
Then the investigators wondered whether there was any Bollywood angle to this incident. Because the Veena Malik was a Pakistani actress who was linked with so many other spheres like Indian media, Bollywood, ISI, Underworld etc.
So, they first approached Ram Gopal Verma and asked him the question.
RGV looked towards the sky from the window for a while and then as if found some clue to a nagging problem, said,” Yes, it would be a perfect plot.”
The investigators were confused. They looked at him questioningly, as to what he meant.
RGV looked at them, like looking at the deprived citizens of an African tribe and said,” Well, I have not made the call. However, I can make a good suspense thriller movie out of it. A call goes to Hina and she is drawn to the caller, who does not identify him. This goes on for a while and then, one day, the calls stop because the person is murdered…! Vow, fantastic plot. The name of the movie could be something like ‘Last call’, ‘Gumnaam Call’, or ‘Call karna zaroori hai’ etc.”
The investigators quietly left the room.
Then they approached Karan Johar and asked him.
He sipped his famous Koffee and said with a half smile on his face,” Good. Nice story. I can make it a silver jubilee hit. The phone call develops into a relationship. Just before the interval, the phone is picked up by Hina’s friend who continues to talk to her and they fall in love. After the interval, the caller’s friend calls Hina and they get attracted towards each other. There is a good scope for 6 songs and one marriage scene in the end. Done… we can shoot it in Europe. I have even thought of some names for the movie. It could be say,’ Call call hota hai’, or ‘Wake up call’, or ‘Mujhe call karoge’ etc.”
The investigators were disappointed.
They thought let us meet some actors now. They met Salman Khan and asked him.
Salman Khan removed his shirt and flexed his muscles. The investigators suddenly wondered whether they made a mistake by asking him this question.
Salman looked at them straight in eyes and said,” Mujh pe ek ehsan karna.. mujhe ye sawaal phir se na puchhana. Varna mai apne aap ki bhi nahi sun paaonga.”
One of the investigators gathered courage and asked, “Sir, but we remember you had spoken to someone rudely on phone sometime back…”
At this question, the nerve on side of his forehead twitched. He looked menacingly at the investigators and said,” Otherwise what I would have done? That useless Vivek was snatching away my Ash from me and you expect me to keep quite? I called him 23 times that evening and fired him in choicest language. But I did not call Hina.”
The investigators were now too much annoyed. They did not know where to go next.
Suddenly, they had an intuition… why not go to Raichur and probe from there. So they went to Raichur.
It was morning time and they thought of having some tea at the roadside tea stall. While they were discussing about the case there, Basavappa, the telephone line man was also there drinking tea, before he started off with his day’s work.
He instantly realized that they were searching for the person who made the call to Hina. He remembered distinctly that day… around two months ago, when he was very angry with his wife over some petty issue and he had climbed on a nearby telephone pole and dialed a random number. He spoke very rudely for 15 minutes and spit out all his anger on the person holding phone on other side. He did not know then that it went to Hina.
He was slightly afraid about the investigation team reaching Raichur, yet he was thrilled to see that on his one silly act, the agencies from Delhi were in a tizzy.
He thought of the fame he had always wanted and said jubilantly in his mind,”… Yes, I called Hina Rabbani Khar…!”
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