Recently David Cameron was on a 3-day visit to India. One of his personal agenda was to understand from Manmohan Singh, the secret of running a successful coalition government. For the first time since Second World War, a coalition government was formed in Britain, so Cameron wanted to get as many tips from Manmohan Singh as possible. Manmohan had promised him that he would share his 5 secrets with him.
Cameron found an opportunity on second day of his visit, to secretly learn the tactics. He eagerly started the conversation.
Cameron: Please advise me on how to successfully run a coalition government.
Manmohan kept looking silently out of the window. Cameron thought that he was avoiding the question. So, he asked once again. Still Manmohan did not respond. Then Cameron asked him once more the same question, wondering whether with growing age, Manmohan’ listening powers were reducing. This time Manmohan cleared his throat and said, ‘First lesson is this, as I have done just now.’
Cameron was puzzled. Manmohan never said anything and concluded that he had given his first lesson. He looked questioningly at Manmohan.
Manmohan: ‘Do not speak until you are compelled to speak. That is my first lesson. Have you ever heard me speaking? Rarely…! Even in You Tube you have to do advanced search to see some clip where I speak. And if you are really hard pressed to say something, say ‘Ok’. Remember, few days ago I had said, ‘Theek hai’ and it became the most twitted words for a fortnight.’
Cameron was actually surprised at the first lesson. He had heard an adage in his childhood, ‘Speech is Silver but Silence is Golden...’ he was seeing a live example of this proverb.
Cameron: ‘Fantastic sir. I shall implement this immediately upon my return. What is second lesson?’
Manmohan: ‘The second lesson is to use all the investigating agencies work for you. Unearth all the wrong doings of your allies. And then make them realize that you are aware of their misdeeds. Then use the agencies to control them at your whims and fancies.’
Cameron was wondering about this technique.
Manmohan: ‘Now see, I have at least 4 coalition partners who do not like my party at all. Given an opportunity, they would not hesitate for a second to ditch me. But see, I have registered cases against all of them. The cases take ‘convenient time’ for investigation. So long as they support you, you go slow on the investigation. Whenever you see symptoms of defiance from them, send the agencies and they would all fall in line in a second.’
Cameron felt in his mind that this was like black mailing. However, he did not say so out of modesty.
Cameron: ‘Sir, and what is the third lesson for me?’
Manmohan: ‘Develop some leaders of your party to make provocative and sensational statements from time to time. This will keep all your opponents, media and the public debating about the authenticity of statements made and they will keep debating over the timing, intention, hidden meaning and what not, from those useless statements. This will keep them distracted for time being from real issues and give you a breather. We have some leaders in our party, who do this professionally well.’
This was a completely new idea to Cameron. He was somewhat thrilled.
Cameron: ‘I am already feeling great. Tell me about fourth lesson sir.’
Manmohan: The fourth lesson is called ‘Stock and Throw’. You have heard about ‘Shock and Awe’ method used in wars, right? Similarly, the ‘Stock and Throw’ method is used in running governments. Here what you do is that under the name of reforms, you increase the prices of all essential commodities. The inflation rises and the common man starts feeling the pinch. They will question you. Say that this is essential to beat the recession.’
Cameron: ‘Sir, but how this will help me in running the government?’
Manmohan: ‘My dear, wait. You have only heard half story. After the people are really complaining about the price rise, announce scheme to waive their loans just before elections. This is a wonderful trick which never fails. The common man would have taken loans for his survival and when you waive them off, he starts looking at you like god. So, you stock more and throw less.’
Cameron: ‘Wonderful. I am really excited to know these lessons. And which is the last lesson?’
Manmohan: ‘This technique we have developed recently. It has worked very well so far. There must have been some terror attacks in Britain in the past. And you must have caught some of the suspected terrorists as well. Whenever your government’s popularity is waning, hang one or two of them. That would instantly send out a strong message to the people, and your opponents of your steely resolve to deal with terror, your determination on good governance etc. This will bring back your popularity for some time.’
Cameron was deeply satisfied with the valuable lessons learnt by him from the mute prime minister of the largest democracy in the world, successfully running a coalition government for 9 years in spite of several scams of astronomical amounts, situations of mass uprising against corruption, anger of people against crime etc.
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